Healthy Comedy

I think every office has its weirdos, comedians, kiss-asses and all manner of characters, like a marketplace methinks. I work in such an office and yesterday, one of the comedians decided to regale us with some rather thought-provoking but funny health anecdotes. What do you think?

Love this Japanese Doctor!

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up the heart does not make you live longer; it is like saying you extend the life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

 

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made is from fruit. Fruit is very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!

 

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!

 

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

 

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

 

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

 

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

 

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

 

And remember:

 

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”

 

AND……

 

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

 

  1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
  2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
  3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
  4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
  5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

 

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Thee Local Lasagne.

Must try for all the foodies!

Kawi Snippets

One of those meals that prove difficult to pronounce at first for many, with an Italian twist to it, a little like my sir name had to do that. Of course if its pronunciation is complicated, so does your perception on how it’s prepared, or at least that’s what we thought. The moment I hear someone has prepared some lasagne, I would internally wave my hands up and down for them.

So every time we pass by the pasta aisle in Nakumatt, Dion and I would take a moment to look at the lasagne sheets and make a mental note on how we’re going to try it out one of these days. You speak over the things you want to do, even when you know you’re not able to do it immediately. Challenge yourself, it becomes a short term goal and the next thing you know, you’re somehow working towards it – even…

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32 Game-Changing Quotes About Love And Life That Will Make You Feel Better, Instantly

Love and Life are 2 misunderstood topics….hope these quotes will inspire someone.

Thought Catalog

ScribeScribe


I don’t care about whose DNA has recombined with whose. When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching they are your family.

Jim Butcher


Please know that there are much better things in life than being lonely or liked or bitter or mean or self conscious. We are all full of shit. Go love someone just because, I know your heart may be badly bruised, or even the victim of numerous knifings but it will always heal even if you don’t want it to, it keeps going. There are the most fantastic, beautiful things and people out there, I promise. It’s up to you to find them.

Chuck Palahniuk


Don’t ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness.

Anonymous


People don’t like love, they like that flittery flirty feeling. They don’t love love – love is sacrificial…

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How to add a new disk shelf to a NetApp filer

Assumption:- Filer has already one disk shelf connected this is the new one which has to be added and cabled.
Cables required:- Two SAS cables , Two ACP (CAT6 ETHERNET ) cables if any
1. Rack the shelf
2. Connect power cables & turn the shelf on (wait about 30 seconds)
3. On the front of the shelf, change the shelf id to something unique. (try and keep it sequential with the shelf that’s already there)  DO NOT USE “00”
4. Wait about 45 seconds and then restart the shelf and make sure the new shelf ID came up.
4. SSH into both filers and do “options disk.auto_assign off”
5. Do a “storage show disk -p” on both controllers and copy the contents into a txt file and save it. (run this command again and make sure all your disks are still there)
6. Do a “options autosupport.doit “before shelf add”” on both controllers since i’m scared your doing this via community forums. (“before shelf add” is in quotes on the command)
5. Now for the fun part, take a SAS cable and plug one end into the TOP circle of the OLD shelf and plug it in the BOTTOM square of the NEW shelf
6. Now take another SAS cable and plug one end into the BOTTOM circle of the OLD shelf and plug it into the TOP square of the new shelf
7. assign your disks and don’t forget to turn back on disk auto assign when you’re done.
8. Run “storage show disk -p” and make sure all of your old disks are there.
(shelves at the end of a stack are always reversed, this is a special circumstance and you will not cable all shelves like this in the future

Steps To Shutdown/Startup The CRS, OHAS, ASM & RDBMS Services on RAC 11.2 Configuration

ORACLE RAC DBA

The present document provides in detail the steps to shutdown/startup The CRS, OHAS, ASM & RDBMS Services on a RAC 11.2. Configuration:

1) Connect to node #1, then please check if the CRS/OHAS & services are enabled to autostart as follow (repeat this step on each node):

# $GRID_ORACLE_HOME/bin/crsctl config crs

2) If not, then you can enable it as follow (repeat this step on each node):

# $GRID_ORACLE_HOME/bin/crsctl enable crs

3) Shutdown the services on each node as follow:

# $GRID_ORACLE_HOME/bin/crsctl stop crs

4) Verify the services were/are down (repeat this step on each node):

# $GRID_ORACLE_HOME/bin/crsctl status resource -t

5) Then start the services on node #1 as follow (only on first node):

# $GRID_ORACLE_HOME/bin/crsctl start crs

6) Wait 1 minute, then validate the services started & diskgroups were mounted (only on first node):

# $GRID_ORACLE_HOME/bin/crsctl status resource -t

7) Then start the services on node #2 as follow:

#…

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How to add disk to ASM

Some really useful pointers on adding new disk to ASM

ORACLE RAC DBA

How to add disk to ASM (DATABASE) runing in production server

We have database running on ASM, after two years we faced the problem of space deficiency.

Now we planed to add disk to ASM diskgroup DATAGROUP.

SQL> @asm
NAME                 TOTAL_GB                FREE_GB
------------------------------ ---------- ----------
DATAGROUP            249.995117             15.2236328
IDXGROUP             149.99707              10.4892578

Steps are below

1) Create partition of disk /dev/sdm which we got new LUN from Storage

[root@rac-node1 ~]# fdisk -l /dev/sdm Disk /dev/sdm: 85.8 GB, 85899345920 bytes 255 heads, 63 sectors/track, 10443 cylinders Units = cylinders of 16065 * 512 = 8225280 bytes Disk /dev/sdm doesn't contain a valid partition table [root@rac-node1 ~]# fdisk /dev/sdm Device contains neither a valid DOS partition table, nor Sun…

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